Life As Fjizzle: Me Against Me

 Every single day when I wake up, I give thanks to the Lord for the gift of a new day before staring at myself in the mirror and reminding myself that “I am not where I want to be yet.” Be thankful, be graceful, but never forget that there is a light that we are in pursuit of, constantly.

The battle between here and there is taking forever, and I hope I’m not simply meandering with the times.

I hope I am doing all that I can, living truly and thoroughly through my potential, or I’m coasting through my existence. I hope I am becoming everything that God has designed me to be. I do not understand the struggle of each day, but it’s in my place to create a sense of purpose, belonging to an establishment, or creating one- it’s me against me. Every day, all day, the battle is within me.

Adekunle Sunday-Fajana

That’s just life; there’ll always be a war within myself. The feud for what’s wrong and what’s right, the resentment that comes from indecision, the anxiety that comes with voraciously anticipating the results of rapid decisions. 

No day of rest, the animosity against self is daily, as I roll off from the bed, my heart aches from the poor choices from years ago, simultaneously, my heart applauds for choosing to believe in the commencement of a new day. Each day has its own beauty, its own frailties, it shows its worthwhile moments, this life of mine, there are so many things to be thankful for, without getting excessively pompous, I’ve failed a lot too, and many more would still come.

A life defined by second chances, I’ve sure made several other poor decisions, and the lackadaisical personality/nature drags me back further, putting me in a state of conundrum and mental chaos. It’s my life, my own breakthrough usually comes after I have waged war against the pandemonium compounding inside of me.

This life of mine, it is an eternal feud of me against me. I pray it makes sense eventually.